This blog is for...

...anyone who can't sleep.

...anyone who likes words.

...anyone who hates cockroaches.

Blogs are like bellybuttons. EVERYONE has one. Right?

So why am I even writing one? Who the hell cares?

Wait up. Picture yourself in the future. Let's say, 5 years from now.What are you doing? Where are you? And, most importantly, who are you?

No, this isn't some kind of self-help therapy crap. We're not gonna stand in a circle and hold hands. It's a little game I like to play when I'm boiling noodles or cleaning the toilet (Hey, those are actually really great moments for thought exercises). So common. Think really, really hard.

Harder.

Don't be lazy.

Focus.

Ok. So. What did you come up with? Anything good?

I personally intend to be famous soon. I can't guarantee it'll be in 5 years, or 10 years, or maybe even 3 years, but it's coming. Very soon. I will have a mountain-crushing and award-cluttering book(s) that everyone is going to read and finally might even knock John Green off the bestseller list (No offense, John, you know we love you, and your Stars). And then, everyone is going to be frantically looking for this blog but YOU, my dear faithful firsts, will remain my favorites.

Presumptious little punk, right?

But guess what. There are no laws against speaking up for yourself and for what you want. In fact, the more you talk about what you want, the closer it gets, and the closer you get, to getting it. So please, quit with the sob stories and invest your energy in something that will give you that eternal bang for your buck. Pluck up some good old fashioned courage and, like Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said, "Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

And you never know, you could get run over by the ice cream truck tomorrow. Hey, it happens.

So without further ado, I conclude this auspicious inaugaration and hope to see you next time. And if not, well, we tried.